thehaloeffect

Two months left to go! Two weeks until Michelle comes and then maria and co are coming end of may.

i want to go to taiwan next. i found a way to stay in brazil with a student visa. itd only cost about 200 to 560 dollars to pay for a college class. but after doing some research on taiwan (not really, just being lazy and watching vimeo videos), i think i am confident i should go to taipei next. it will be nice to brush up on my chinese and eat a lot of taiwanese food. and it will be nice to finally understand everything people are saying.

Taipei Night Streets from salvus on Vimeo.

PassionRepublic Taiwan Trip from D1 PRODUCTION on Vimeo.

TAIPEI TIMELAPSE from David Francis on Vimeo.

I didn't go to bed til 3:30am last night so I woke up around 9:30am. Made breakfast. I guess spending about $60-$80 a week on groceries isn't so bad. It averages out to about $10 a day on food, which is basically how much I spend per meal normally when I eat out. I am also determined to cut back 1/3 of my usual portion because I tend to overeat anyways.

Was originally going to go to Mingy's manufacturing warehouse to discuss tutoring his kids, but my colleagues told me the neighborhood is a "rough area" so I got kinda creeped out and decided I'll just meet Mingy at the local street market, which is close to his home. I didn't want to take my chances and plus, his work is incredibly confusing and I knew I'd get really lost. I am just going to meet him tomorrow. I kinda look forward to it because he's such a jolly, nice Chinese man. I always admire strong father figure, primarily because it's something my own father lacks. This is also why I was very happy when Marino came home from his business trip. I tried to tell him what I've learned in Portuguese so far and the only thing he did was laugh in my face and insult me saying I had such a horrible American accent. I guess it's better than having an Asian fob accent.

So after deciding against meeting Mingy, I google-mapped the directions to the Jockey Club de Sao Paulo. I wanted to find out if I could use my international student ID card (from STA travel) for the discounted Lollapalooza. It was my first time taking the bus in Brazil and I was sooooooo nervoussssss. Going there was fine, even though I kept imagining it taking me to all the wrong places. I was able to get to my final destination okay. However, I found out my intern'l student ID card didn't work but if I applied for the Brazilian student ID card from my work, I'd save R$200 on my two-day pass!!! I'll save about $100, making the pass cost only $178! Still so fucking expensive but I am so glad I am eligible for the Brazilian student ID card! Now I can get half off on pizzas, movie tickets, admissions, etc. Day by day I am realizing the perks of working at my current job.

Not knowing Portuguese has made everything a little bit difficult but it is definitely doable. Before I went to Jockey Club, I wrote down everything I needed to say to them and then wrote the google-translation. That way, all I had to do was point to specific sentences and just shrug a lot and look confused whenever they speak to me. Now I understand what it is like for Mexican immigrants and my grandmother. Except I have technology on my side, and soon enough I'll have my iPhone to rely on. although, I'm not sure if I should really use it because I don't want anyone to mug me.

On the way back, I ended up taking the bus going the opposite direction. Luckily I caught my mistake within 3 minutes and caught the correct bus across the street. I was so sleepy on the bus. I was worried if I nodded off, I'd miss my stop and be late to Yu's apartment for her lesson. I was eventually half asleep and woke myself up when I caught myself thinking "...must not be late for silent midget...." You know how right before you fall asleep, your brain just gonna go wild and you start half-dreaming a whole bunch of bizarre crap? I startled myself when something so negative came into my mind, especially when I like Yu and she's nowhere close to being a silent midget... Anyways I was able to get to her apartment complex, but I completely forgot which floor her apartment was on.... her apartment takes an entire floor, so I had to peek my head out of the elevator for four floors. Eventually the doorman spoke on the intercom and I am assuming he was saying she was on the 16th floor but since I don't know my numbers, I was like "que?!!!! what?? oh no!!!" He used his high tech elevator control machine thing and sent me down the lobby, where he eventually entered and pressed the button 16 for me. I am such an annoying foreigner.

Today's lesson with Yu was so much fun! It's because now I know how to work the system and cut corners. I decided today we'd do a conversation/vocab lesson on movies. I taught her the words: blockbuster, documentary, captivating, touching, moving, slapstick comedy, independent films, protagonist, antagonist, villain, twist, plot, and two thumbs up/down. I basically showed her trailer clips of my favorite movies: Up, Shutter Island, The Hangover, Babies, Slumdog Millionaire, and What's Your Number (w/ Anna Faris & Chris Evans). What's Your Number was soooooooo baaaaaad, omg, my host family was watching it the other day. I used it as an example of a two thumbs down movie. She gave the preview two thumbs up..... womp womp. One good thing about teaching intermediate English speakers is... you can turn anything into an educational lesson and you seem like a credible, hardworking, thoughtful teacher who puts the student's interest in mind. Hell no, playing six clips killed so much time and I was able to ramble on movies I actually understood and enjoyed. Time flew by.

After class, I went home to shower because it was so humid today. I have to take about three showers a day in order to feel somewhat refreshed. I went with my boss to go see her do pilates. It's this really small, cute place down the street from our apartment. If everything works out, I can get a free hour lesson every week in exchange for teaching the instructor English. That'd be sooo coooooool because I'd never want to pay pilates anyways and it'd be a good experience/hobby/workout/timekiller. I ended up staying only for 5 minutes because I got bored watching.

I went to Augusta again so that I could study my Portuguese at a bar. I ended up staying from 7:30 to 9pm, translating each menu item I possibly can. Now I know what pork, chicken, turkey breast, lettuce, etc are in Portuguese! Last time, I was really hungry and wanted to eat at the small, shady side restaurants. I couldn't read the menu at all and didn't have my dictionary so I ended up just picking something random: file de frango. I prayed it wouldn't be weird and it ended up being white chicken meat! So now I will always remember file de frango. It was a nice spontaneous surprise. Maybe if I am feeling daring, I will do it again because it's a good way to learn the dish and try something (possibly) new.

Okay so this entire time I had an image of Brazil being this big bad world after 8pm. I was such a fool....such a naive fool. The area I live in is packed with people after dark!!! When I was walking back home at 9:30pm, it felt like downtown New York City. Everybody was outside, walking & drinking (it's legal to drink in public here), socializing, skateboarding, just chilling on the sidewalks, etc. People were playing music, selling crafts, standing around, jogging, etc. There were so many individual girls walking by themselves, so I knew it was safe. Also, there were many police officers just standing around. I have been missing out! I think I will consider jogging at night next time and bringing a book to read every now and then.

The main reason why I decided to go out tonight was because I noticed how lively the streets were at 2am last night. I was able to understand and learn the safe areas, thanks to Brito and my colleagues. If I had solely based my assumptions on the internet, I would have missed out on so much. I knew Avenida Paulista was a famous, popular street, but I just assumed everywhere in Sao Paulo was completely off-limits. The rule of thumb is if there are a lot of ppl out, it is safe. I guess that's common sense but I was paranoid, which is understandable.

I am grateful that I have my host parents to rely on for information, such as where to go to get my student ID photos taken. If it weren't for my boss, I wouldn't have known that I was eligible for the Brazilian student ID card (which would save me $$$ everywhere) or that I could save 10% on the 3x4 photo, or where to go for cheap groceries, how to get to specific locations, translating so that I could get the address to Mingy's work/home. I think life would be a tad bit different if I once again didn't have such resources. I probably would have learned to be a little bit more independent but whatevs, I'll take as much help as I can get.

I am also grateful I have Brito, Tiemi, and my colleagues (who are gradually making an effort to make me feel welcome) to tell me things older adults wouldn't know. Now I know several locations that I have to check out. I should also buy a tour guide book on Sao Paulo so that I can read it whenever I have downtime. Researching online is convenient and free, but I hate being glued to the laptop more than I already do. When I was walking down Augusta, I stumbled upon this small store that reminded me of Etsy. Basically local artists have a small cubicle shelf that they decorate with their handmade crafts. They were sooo cute and surprisingly not expensive! It's normal price, like $20 per jewelry. I wish I had the extra means to buy cute, kitschy stuff.

I was talking to Jew Crush on fb messenger and he brought up a really good idea. Employers never offer teachers work visa because it's very complicated and expensive. However, if I do end up wanting to stay here longer, I probably could ask my boss if she could sponsor me with a work visa and I'd just pay for all the fees. If anything, I feel like if I do a really really good job, she'd pay for half of the fees. Part of my contract guaranteed that the school would pay for half of my visa, so I am assuming that'd apply for the work visa as well. I feel like she does want me to stay longer because she originally thought I would stay here for a year. If I stay for a year, I'd get an $800 bonus omg....

I guess I'll have to wait and see around May how I feel about Brazil. But for now, I am just so happy and shocked that everything has worked out. I remember two months ago, I didn't even know if I had a job waiting for me or not. There were so many times where I just wanted to give up and I constantly asked myself why I wanted to make such a drastic move when moving to SF would have been a lot easier. I am glad for once I actually pushed myself to do something, face a challenge, and work for something I believe in. All the obstacles that got in my way, Blaze, job searching, my mother, money issues, etc, only made me realize how badly I wanted Brazil to happen. It was almost like I wanted to prove everyone, specifically my mom and myself, wrong and that I was capable of greater things. I am glad with age, I feel the need for something bigger. I guess that's how one person grows and becomes a more mature adult. I think my proudest moments in my life so far are: traveling to Japan/Europe with my friends, living in Chicago for two months, graduating college in four years, becoming a teacher at SDSU, and moving to Brazil. I wonder what my next feat will be, but I guess only time will tell. Maybe I'll stay in Brazil, maybe I'll consider a longer move, such as staying in Taiwan for at least a year, or changing my life around and settling in San Francisco.

I can't believe it's finally happening! Feels like a dream. My new life is about to finally start!

It's finally happening. Renting out my room. "clost", I know.



I officially leave in two weeks. Wow.

Before I bound them into a book of manila envelopes with little messages and self-painted guitar picks inside.

Nervous because the holidays only made me realize how much I appreciate my closest friends.

Scared because I've never relied on myself and I don't know what to do without my family.

Kinda determined to prove to myself that I don't need anyone else. I don't need another relationship to prove that I need a guy to confirm my self-value.

Excited because I enjoy my own company.

Impatient because I want to learn new things, experience new adventures, and test myself.

Ashamed because I haven't learned to manage my own finances, even after the generous monetary gifts and big paychecks.

Three more weeks. :[ :[ :[ I really have to get my shit together.


I feel a little better.

Today I am doing two things I never thought I'd do: skydiving and going to church.

must not make the same mistakes, i know i know. but i find myself completely captivated. i hope, sincerely hope, i find something like this when the time is right. because maybe true love can exist. i know i am capable of falling in love, and i know that one guy is out for me, even though i find him standing in front of me. but i must prove to myself that i can put my goals before any guy. ugh, it's so hard. i already know i am going to be so heartbroken when the time comes, but at least i know ive met someone who has changed how i felt and finally ill be in a city that'll make me feel beyond what i can imagine. i just wish, i could have both. i hope i'll fall in love, hard enough that divorce will never come into play. i hope i dont make the same mistakes as my parents, i hope all the movies can prove to be true, i hope i can find my true love and happiness. i am scared. i dont want to be hurt and sad anymore. i just want someone to be by my side and make me happy forever for the rest of my life. i wish it could be him. it's so easy to throw logic, but you can't ever explain someone's feelings for someone else. you can look down upon it, you can think nothing of it, you can think it's stupid and pure nonsense, but you can't ever tell someone how they should feel. this sucks. each day i find it easier and harder at the same time. it's almost like no one can understand, so i just feel stupid. tomorrow i am booking my flight. it is going to be so bittersweet. i hope i find someone in the future who can make me feel the same way. this is going to suck so bad for me.

it's almost not fair how i've developed a life, created a reputation at sdsu, made an effort to be friends with people, and become my own person... only to leave behind all my hard *wasted* effort for brazil. it's worth it, but it's like damn, for once, i've created a pretty strong network and i have to leave behind the good friends, experience, and influence, just to start anew. maybe its what i need, and maybe it kind of comforts me that i can do it again, but ugh, it's so hard starting from square one. oh well. i hope sdsu hires me again when i come around. even better, what if sf state hired me for their language institute. wow, my life would be almost perfect.

This really sucks.